La mamma che vorrei essere

Tra 12 giorni Ayda compirà un anno.
Provo sentimenti contrastanti al riguardo: ovviamente sono felicissima ed orgogliosa di lei, che è una bimba bella, sana, buona e felice; e di me, che amo ESSERE mamma ogni giorno di più.
Ma sono anche tanto malinconica per questo tempo ingrato che passa troppo in fretta.
Proprio in questi giorni, mi sto ritrovando a chiedermi che tipo di madre sarò, tra qualche tempo.
Quando potremo parlare e dovrò dire dei no, quando dovrò gestire crisi di pianto e capricci, quando mi dirà che mi odia, quando mi dirà delle bugie e quando ci sembrerà di parlare due lingue diverse.
Inutile dire che sotto sotto spero di poter essere una mamma così figa da non dover affrontare nulla di tutto ciò, ma siamo realistici: quando tutto è perfetto, c'è sempre qualcosa di serio che non va.
Sebbene io non abbia mai creduto troppo nelle "mamme amiche" (quelle che ho conosciuto erano e sono decisamente patetiche, non me ne vogliano) mi piace l'idea che mia figlia possa e voglia confidarsi con me. Che si senta libera di parlarmi di qualsiasi cosa, anche se sa che in un primo momento darò di matto.
Vorrei continuare ad essere affettuosa con lei anche quando le mie coccole la imbarazzeranno.
Prego di non perdere mai la pazienza e dire cose cattivissime quando sarò esausta dai suoi capricci, spero di resistere alle sue provocazioni e di non fare o dire cose che potranno, un domani, farla sentire insicura o non apprezzata da me.
Dite che sto correndo troppo, eh?
Lo so, ma è inevitabile: quando ti rendi conto che il tempo ormai vola, ti ritrovi a farti le domande più assurde.
In questo primo anno ho seguito il mio istinto, e continuerò a farlo.
Tanto con i figli qualsiasi cosa fai o dici non va mia bene, no? 
(BRAVA VALERIA! E' QUESTO LO SPIRITO GIUSTO... ;) )

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